Macbeth: An UnFanfiction
by Kirity-Kitty
Summary: So I did an UnFanfiction for Hamlet and people asked for more so when I got bored, the internet went out, and I didn't have inspiration to make a stupid video, I wrote this. It's a little longer than the last one. Enjoy!


UN-Fanfiction Story: Macbeth

Millie sighed inwardly. As if reading Hamlet was torture enough, they had to read Macbeth. Honestly, Shakespeare was such an emo…I wonder if he cut himself, Millie found herself wondering.

Her english class had just started reading the play and she was already bored. Why did all of Shakespeare's plays, the one's they make you read in school anyway, have to be ultra boring. She only liked one of Shakespeare's works, A Midsummer Night's Dream.

She smiled as she remembered reading the green script in grade school. It was an assignment that required teamwork and drama. Millie was just lucky to escape being part of the Titanic group. That is such a sappy movie. She got to play Puck. Her group got an A of course and it was an overall happy welcome into the world of Shakespeare, but ever since high school, the quality of his work became…different. At least Midsummer was funny and had an interesting story. Hamlet was fun to make fun of, but it didn't really keep her entertained for more than one class.

Now she was faced with Macbeth. Yet another tragedy given to her through the school system, because being able to speak english isn't enough for the world. Millie's thoughts were interrupted by her very enthusiastic classmate who was currently reading the part of Ross.

"God save the King," he shouted.

Millie raised her hand and the teacher called on her immediately. "Is that anything like 'God save the queen'," she asked stupidly. Millie would do anything to get out of reading this horrible monstrosity named, required reading.

"Millie, I'm sure the entire class agrees with me when I say this. Your commentary is colorful and interesting, to say the least," she added in a hushed tone, "but please keep it to yourself."

Millie pouted and turned back to her book. "I thought you said we could ask any questions we had."

"You can, but please refrain from asking your stupid questions."

"I don't know what you are talking about. All teachers ever say is that there is no such thing as a stupid question." Millie looked back at her teacher. She was now visually aggravated. Mrs. Stevens had a lot of patience so it was hard to get her angry or even a bit irritated. Millie smiled. She was doing her job well.

"Millie. I know you are smarter than you act and on the inside I know you are a good student so please behave for me. Just for one day," she asked sweetly.

Millie's smiled turned into a smirk. This teacher of hers was an easy target. "Sure. I'll behave for you for one day, just not today."

Mrs. Steven's face turned red. It didn't matter to Millie if it was from embarrassment or anger. Either way, it was more entertaining than the stupid play.

"Would you mind giving me a spoiler," Millie asked innocently. "Does everyone die as usual, or does some poor bastard get lucky like that Fortinbras guy from Hamlet?"

"Watch your language Millie," she scolded.

"Shakespeare has said way worse in his plays."

"Show some literary proof," Mrs. Stevens said cockily.

"Fine," Millie stated blandly. It shouldn't be hard since it was a tragedy. Someone was bound to get cursed on the next page or so. And there it was. The first page of Act 1 Scene 3. Millie cleared her throat and read, "'I myself have all the other' up to 'Shall he dwindle, peak and pine'. Mostly the 'Shall he dwindle' part."

"And what is the witch saying?"

Great. Analyzing, just what every teen loves to do just before lunch. It works up a mighty big appetite. "It means she can't kill the sailor guy, but she can make his life hell for eighty-one weeks."

"Language, Millie!"

Millie read further on and laughed a little.

"What is so funny?"

"I kind of like Banquo. You should be women, and yet your beards forbid me to interpret that you are so. Isn't saying something like that worse than using words like hell and bastard?"

"Everything that comes out of your mouth is bad," one of Millie's classmates stated.

"Yeah and everything you say is ugly, just like you," Millie retorted.

"Millie Thompson!"

"I'm only making minor observations."

"Stop talking back," Mrs. Stevens said angrily. Pretty soon Millie would be making her way to the principal's office.

Millie sat quietly, much to the rest of the classes and the teacher's surprise.

"Alex, continue with Duncan's line."

"Whence cam'st thou, worthy thane?"

Millie tossed her head back in annoyance. They speak so weird she thought loudly. I miss the witches. They were at least a little interesting and Banquo is pretty cool, at least from that beards comment anyway.

Millie turned her attention back to her book and turned a few scenes ahead. Lady Macbeth, you murderous bitch, Millie thought happily. Macbeth, Millie shook her head mentally. You wuss. I wouldn't be surprised if Lady Macbeth…she stopped and began wondering aloud. "Is Lady Macbeth going to kill Macbeth after he kills Duncan and takes the throne for herself?"

The class fell into silence. "What," Mrs. Stevens finally asked.

"I said, is Lady Macbeth going to kill Macbeth after he kills Duncan and takes the throne for herself?"

"No, wait…what are you talking about?"

"Lady Macbeth is a murderous, power hungry bitch. She's going to force Macbeth to kill Duncan and probably Banquo, which is kind of sad since I actually like him, and take the throne. It makes me wonder about Lady Macbeth. She's like the shadow king or something."

Mrs. Stevens stared at Millie in shock.

"What?"

"I'm just…surprised. You hate english, but you can be so good at it." She paused. "If only you would use your brain for the forces of good."

"Good luck with that one," Millie laughed. She was laughing more at the point she chalked up when her teacher didn't notice her saying-

"Mrs. Stevens, Millie used inappropriate language again."

Millie cringed. There goes her victory.

The teacher's face flushed in embarrassment. "I was getting to that," she lied. "You must stop using such foul language. It doesn't suit a lady such as yourself."

Millie quirked an eyebrow and looked at what she was wearing. A pair of black sweatpants, a black coat with bright green strips traveling down the sides and sleeves, and a dull, green shirt that had a picture of a pinwheel on it that said 'blow me', which she found especially funny since she wasn't a guy and she was often surprised at how few people actually caught the sexual innuendo. Probably because she was a girl. "Lady," she said questioningly. "I don't think so."

"What do you think you are?"

"A person…at least I think. My brother says I was dropped off by aliens, but if that's true then why hasn't the CIA sent my annoying ass home."

"Millie, if you insist on speaking like that, I will have to send you out into the hall to read by yourself. You will have to read the entire play by Friday and give a full summary on Monday along with a two-page single spaced essay on any topic relating to Macbeth, using quotes from the play at least nine times," Mrs. Stevens said with a huff.

Millie thought for moment. If I do that, then I'll be done with Macbeth in one week instead of one month or longer. Hmm… Millie sat quietly in thought for a moment.

Mrs. Stevens opened her mouth to talk, but Millie interrupted her with a simple, "I insist."

Millie was quickly pushed out of the room by a heavily aggravated teacher. Her book and other school stuff were dropped at her feet and the door closed with a click, indicating that it was now locked. Millie smiled and picked up her things, carelessly tossed her bag over her shoulder and whistled down the hall. She was going home for a warm pizza lunch!

Millie's dreams were interrupted by her very enthusiastic classmate who was currently reading the part of Ross.

"God save the King," he shouted.

Millie picked up her head and looked around. Had it all been a dream? Oh well, she thought. Waste not, want not. She raised her hand and the teacher called on her immediately. She smiled knowingly before asking her stupid question, "Is that anything like 'God save the queen'?" After all, Millie would do anything to get out of reading.

* * *

A/N: So I got a few people telling me to write more of these so I did. It is mildly entertaining making fun of these stories, but I do have a few I will not make fun of. Okay, I have 1 that I won't make fun of. A Midsummer Night's dream. I just don't see how I could even make fun of it. Anyway, feel free to send me a review please~. You can even request which one of Shakespeare's plays I destroy, I mean, …there's no nice way to put it so, it'll be the next one that I make fun of.

PS: I'm super happy because I spelled inappropriate right on the first try

PSS: I spelled it wrong twice when writing it in the PS.

PSSS: Last PS, I swear. I did not come up with that shirt she wore. I don't know if it actually exists (but if it does, tell me so I can go buy it). It was thought up by this amazing person who wrote a super awesome story that I read every now and again. Sadly I got it from my friends and they have yet to tell me where the source is. So I send thanks to the person who made up that shirt and wrote that awesome story/book/novel.


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